“I am such a disappointment to…” are words that addicts say frequently. And the end of that sentence is not “a disappointment to me” – it is to others. I even heard an addict end it with being a disappointment to God.
My goodness what a concept!
Yes people screw up as a child, as a student, as a worker, as a parent and perhaps they do disappoint, but primarily people think things like:
I’m bad and I’m going to be in trouble.
I’m ashamed of myself.
How am I going to make things right again.
I’m disgusted with myself.
How am I going to get out of this mess?
Will I ever get another job?
Will I ever graduate/pass this test?
I need to apologize for causing this or that.
But to think that the primary feeling from drinking is because you are disappointing someone sort of blows my mind. When someone who I am close to drinks to excess it does not affect my self-worth. Yes it may cause logistical and financial problems, maybe even emotional problems and stress but I would never categorize it as a disappointment.
What is your take on this? I’d love to hear whether this resonates with you and how you view it.
Being a disappointment to someone else means that one’s self-assessment is based only on what we think other’s expectations of us are. Why is it that the addict cannot seem to develop self-worth derived from a set of internally sourced values? CF